Professor Layton and That Time He Pissed Off Luke
by ThinkingCAPSLOCK
Summary: The professor chases Luke across the city after a slip of the tongue.


**Professor Layton and That Time He Pissed Off Luke**

So involved the pudding in the fucking with the mammals.

But let us backtrack.

It was a fine summer afternoon and the professor was sipping tea out on the veranda of the house. He had only recently discovered that his house even _had_ a veranda, and he was prepared to fully take advantage of it. The sun filtered through the leaves above, painting dappled patterns over his brown (NOT BLACK) coat.

"Professor!" Luke hopped out the door, balancing a tray of tea precariously on his head. "P-professor! Help!"

The professor leaned over and plucked the tray from his apprentice's childish digits. "Now, Luke. A true gentleman never takes on more than he can handle. It isn't fair." Luke poured two cups and handed one two the boy. "Here, have some Belle Classic."

"But professor, I actually prefer Oasis Le—"

"Drink your tea, Luke."

"Yes, professor."

The professor looked back down at the text he had been reading—_The History of Puzzles._ Sadly, it had no information that he hadn't already come across. He _was_ Hershel Layton, after all.

"Professor! I thought up a puzzle for you!" Luke exclaimed.

"Is the answer 'purple'?"

"No. Yes. It is. But you won't believe how you get to the answer!"

"Do you subtract eighteen from carrot and mirror image the result?"

"…golly, professor, you sure are smart."

"Keep studying," Layton said, smiling. "You won't be my apprentice forever."

"WHAT?" Luke shrieked. "You're…you're getting rid of me? _You're going to replace me?_"

"Yes." Layton meant this as a joke, but Luke was unable to detect humour. _Ever._ It posed as quite a problem sometimes.

This was one of those times.

"You don't love me!" Luke sobbed, standing up abruptly and dashing down the stairs before the professor even had a chance to finish his drink.

"Blast!" the professor exclaimed, pulling his top hat tightly down on his head and following his miniature protégé out the gate and on to the street.

Age, however, was not on the professor's side. Luke was small and fast, able to dart over, under and around obstacles that the professor had to take time to manoeuvre. He could see gaps the professor could not and use them to his advantage. The professor wondered if this was why he was so good at solving puzzles. _Luke could see things the professor could not._

"Luke!" Layton shouted breathlessly after him. "Luke!"

Luke had vanished, leaving Layton to pant and heave oxygenlessly on the street. Damn children and their running and their short little pants. No, he had to calm down and think logically about the situation.

It was time to solve a puzzle.

**Puzzle Number 001: **If you have one escaped Luke and no leads, where do you search?

"Animals!" exclaimed the professor aloud, to the confusion of passers-by. "Luke must have gone to the zoo!"

Thus, professor boarded the first double-decker bus and went to the county zoo.

Once he had arrived, he went about procuring a park map. Which animals would Luke go to first? He had always liked elephants—they knew the most puzzles. But perhaps he would go to the dolphins? He had always said dolphins were smart and could play games with him. Or perhaps the zebras? The professor and Luke had spent many hours finding hat shapes in the stripes. Maybe Luke went to the naked mole rats—their shamelessness had always amused him.

There were so many options; Luke loved all animals. The Professor couldn't decide where to go. Layton finally decided to go through each exhibit systematically, no matter how long it would take.

It took until closing. Even then, the professor had only managed to see half of the exhibits. Could Luke perhaps still be inside? No, the staff would force him to leave. Should he wait outside the gate, lest Luke be escorted off the premises.

However, Luke had still not arrived two hours later. The professor was now terribly cold and exhausted. His limbs ached and he wanted nothing more than a hot supper and a cup of tea. He wanted a warm bed and a soft blanket. He wanted sleep.

But not yet. Until he had found Luke, he would not rest. No matter how tired and cold the professor felt, it was sure the Luke felt it more. Curse that boy and his inability to take things in jest.

It was time for another puzzle.

**Puzzle Number 002:** If you still have not found Luke but know that he is not at the zoo, where do you go?

Perhaps he had been attracted by the husky atmosphere of the red light district. Had he been kidnapped by a pimp? Had he been sold to slavery?

Layton dashed down the questionable streets, calling Luke's name. Several times, muscular men would reply, propositioning him for most ungentleman-like acts for picarats. The professor politely declined, then quickly moved on. Where was Luke? Had he already been lent out to the unwashed masses of the public? _His_ Luke? The professor bit back his tears and continued on his way.

**Puzzle Number 003:** If Luke is neither at the zoo or in the red light district (But really, why would he even have gone there? Why would _that_ be the second option? _Really? Hookers? Really?_), where is he?

The professor was desperately wishing he had some hint coins at this point. Perhaps Luke was at the park! Stray cats often gathered under the slide—maybe he was there? Without another moment's hesitation, Layton took off towards the city park.

It was here, of course, that Layton met the less-than-loveable hobo, Sparkle McCumdik. He met Sparkle at a rather unfortunate time.

Sparkle was propositioning cats in the park with pudding.

It wasn't even _vanilla_ pudding. Or any other sort of creamy flavour. It was _chocolate_ flavour. _Chocolate pudding._ Was he trying to kill the cats?

For a horrifying minute, Layton realized that this may, in fact, be Sparkle's end goal. And it haunted him.

The professor chose to move on, silent and unnoticed.

Defeated, the professor decided to go home. Perhaps Luke was indeed safe, and would arrive cheerful as ever tomorrow. He would read him a story about baseball and they would eat ice cream together. But not pudding.

No, the professor was rather turned off pudding for a while.

It was with a heavy heart that the professor walked through his front door. Pulling off his now terribly scuffed green dress shoes, he straightened up to come face to face with a curious Luke.

"Professor, you're home awfully late," Luke said from the top step of the stairs.

"But—but Luke—you—" the professor stammered. "You ran away!"

"Oh, that?" Luke said with a smile. "That was a joke, professor!"

"A…joke?" Layton repeated.

Maybe the professor had gotten it wrong. Maybe _he_ was the one stuck with unrivalled seriousness.

"Come, Luke. Let me tell you a bedtime story…"

(For the purpose of writing out the answer, we'll say that elpurp = purple mirrored)

Luke's Puzzle No. 069

Hint 1: Make sure you read the question carefully  
Hint 2: Try looking at the puzzle from a different angle  
Hint 3: The answer may not be obvious at first

Carrot – 18 = elprup  
Carrot has 6 letters x 3 primary colours = 18  
18 – 18 = 0  
Therefore carrots, being originally purple, to equal 0 must be spelled backwards to equate opposites (purple and not purple/elprup).  
So, the answer to carrot - 18 = elprup must be purple.

That sure is a lot of purple carrots, professor!


End file.
